he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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