i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
