No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
where does the pee come out of this thing
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize