I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
