Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
