he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
