shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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