I understand Curling. That high.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Vodka?
Forever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize