do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
