Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
