He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
