so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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