dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
