Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
