Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
