so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
