i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
