I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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