i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
