I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Randomize
