Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
