Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
