Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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