dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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