I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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