Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
