How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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