Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
