I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize