I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
