So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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