My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
