wat bout pragnant strippers??
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Oh god it's open bar.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
