How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
