Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
