This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
