I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
