I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize