I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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