Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
