i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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