DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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