ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
