so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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