I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
