i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
