then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
