Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
