i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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