i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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