i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
