the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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