just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
