I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
