I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
