I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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