Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
