i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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