So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
