before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
