Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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