apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
