Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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