He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
