i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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