So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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