either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
