kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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