My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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