it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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