So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize