Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
foreskin is a definite game changer
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
