shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Someone shattered a urinal.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
