the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
