I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
