You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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