you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
