I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
