i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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