Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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