FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
