I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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