atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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