Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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