they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
