you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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