I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
