And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
