I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My butt remains clenched, sir.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
