You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
