walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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