Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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