I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
